Bad Blogger/Instagram Dump.

So I've been MIA for a while now.

I had a huge flare up that lasted a good week or so. I was in ridiculous amounts of pain and completely exhausted. I just didn't have the energy or ability to sit and type at my laptop.

But I'm back! Here's a little recap of my life recently and what we've been up to in the form of an Instagram Dump.

Mummy and Annie selfies / Tesco shopping always ends with a go in the toy car! / Arthur comes upstairs now / Nursery settling in session / Walking home with Auntie Aysia / Play date with Erica / Tea party with Erica / My brother's new dog, Astra / A rare selfie!
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So that's what we've been up to. Hope you've all been well!

Fun in the sun.

This weekend, Annie and I jumped on a train and headed over to Lucy's house for a sleepover!

Waiting patiently at the train station!

Lucy and Ava picked us up from the train station and we headed back to their house to drop off our bags. It was blazing hot and Annie had to borrow one of Ava's dresses because I just hadn't prepared for such hot weather, especially since as we left Scunthorpe there were big black clouds overhead and it was starting to rain!

After I'd changed Annie into a much more weather appropriate dress, we got in the car and went over to Twycross Zoo! It was so hot that most of the animals were completely uncooperative (I can't say I blame them!) but the girls didn't mind at all, they were more than happy just running around together.

They looked for monkeys, threw stones everywhere (naughty little buggers!) ran around like lunatics and had an ice lolly in the sunshine.

We eventually all started to overheat and so we headed back to Lucy's house. The girls played on the garden and Lucy's husband made us all a gorgeous BBQ! We had a couple of drinks after the girls had gone to bed and headed up early ourselves!

We had a third birthday party to go to in Chesterfield so we got up and ready Saturday morning and went for a drive over there. It was a lovely birthday party and Annie and Ava really enjoyed themselves and tired themselves out playing in the sunshine again!

Ian came to pick Annie and I up from Chesterfield after the party finished and brought us back home, Annie was heartbroken to be leaving Ava, again!

We had a lovely weekend visiting and Annie's been asking for Ava ever since! They really are lovely together apart from the odd, completely expected, argument over some tiny little toy or other and just listening to their little conversations is the most adorable/hilarious thing ever!

(I stole these last three photos off Lucy because they're so cute I just couldn't resist adding them in here! Plus they're from her fancy camera so much better than my crappy iPhone photos.)

I hope you've all been enjoying the sunshine!

Dear Annie,

You are strong willed and opinionated; you know exactly what you want.

You are wild like a hurricane, rarely calm and still, always moving and so full of energy.

So rare moments of peace are cherished as they are few and far between. Like this evening, as you sat on my knees with your new Hello Kitty ears, just happy to be sat with me. Engulfed in a sea of calm and bliss, we just sat together. I stroked your back and you snuggled in to my chest and we sat in silence, just being.

You are the love of my life. I love every little piece of your ever growing personality. 

I love you, always.

Mummy xxx

A little bit of self care.

As a Mum and a person suffering from a chronic pain illness, finding time to just have "me time" can be difficult.

Last month I booked a hair appointment, booked my Mum in to babysit and eagerly awaited the day to come around

That day was today! I had a few hours to myself, doing something much needed and well deserved for myself. It was bliss.

(Awful photo but this is my "before" hair.)

As you can see from the photo, it was fairly long (I've only been growing it for 24 years!) but the ends were totally frazzled. My hairdresser actually told me I had about an inch, maybe two, of healthy hair at the roots. This was not a shock to me. No matter what I try, I just cannot get my hair into good condition. (Any suggestions welcome!)

(My "after" hair!)

The blonde isn't nearly as blonde as I would've liked but the hairdresser was so nervous about bleaching my hair due to it's condition- to the point that she was trying to talk me out of it (unsuccessfully!) I didn't have my normal hairdresser. He knows my hair, he knows that it's not in great condition but he knows that he can still bleach it and it's completely fine afterwards. His words to my hairdresser today "I can bleach the shit out of her hair and for some reason it's totally fine" but Melanie was still nervous and washed it off much sooner than Daniel would've.

Regardless, I really like the colour. It really blends in nicely with the two shades of brown that I chose and it looks less harsh than some of the ombré hair styles I've seen. It's like a caramel-y dark blonde and I'm quite pleased with how well the bleach actually took in the short length of time she left the bleach on for!

She also cut much more off than I'd initially wanted but it really needed to come off. I really do need it all chopping off so it can grow fresh and healthy but that's just never going to happen. 

I left the hairdressers happy. This is a first for me. After a hair appointment, I'm usually indifferent at best. I'm that person that never likes their new hair cut but always thanks the hairdresser with a smile and a tip, while walking out almost in tears haha. Not today though! My hair feels healthier than it has done in over 2 years (that's how long it's been since I last went to a salon!) and the best part is that my fringe looks like it's part of the style and blends in nicely! Instead of looking scruffy as it grows out.

All in all I'm really, really pleased. I've even booked myself another appointment for the end of June for a trim and to have some more blonde put in! 

Today was definitely well needed. I feel like such a different person. Firstly I picked up my brand new glasses this morning (I can finally see again, YAY!) and then I had my hair done. 

Sometimes a few hours alone doing something purely for yourself is just what your soul needs.

Father's Day Family Day Out!

Our plan of spending Father's Day at the beach with a picnic was completely ruined when we pulled back the curtains yesterday morning and were greeted  with big, dark clouds and rain.

We opted for a lazy morning instead and decided to go over to Xscape for the afternoon instead.

Ian chose our lunch destination so we went to TGI Fridays. (Good call Ian ;)) 

Annie was so excited about this motorbike, she wouldn't get off it for ages!

They were really busy (but they were the least busy option in Xscape! Ian's first choice was Nando's but they were queuing out the doors!) so we had to wait a while to be served. Luckily I'd packed Annie's little Frozen figures to help keep her entertained while we were waiting.

Annie was fascinated by everything. On the wall, just across from our table were all the Toy Story figures mounted in frames!

Waiting for food silly selfies!

 (That's a slush, not a cocktail!)

Annie had chicken burger and chips, though for a while she couldn't decide between that and meatball pasta! (Indecisive like her mama.) She ate it all up and had a blue slush that looked so much like a cocktail that I had to taste test it first ;)

Ian and I had a feast! We had Jack Daniel's sesame chicken strips and mozerella dippers to start. I swear, those Jack Daniel's chicken strips were just sent down from the heavens. If you haven't tried them, you really need to! Don't be put off if you don't like Jack Daniels, I absolutely hate the stuff but this glaze is divine. We both chose the same main- French Dip burgers and Sam Adams cheese and bacon fries. I cannot put into words how delicious the cheese and bacon fries were. I can only urge you all to go and try them!

Since it was such a special occasion, we decided to all be naughty and have dessert too.

Ian had the Apple Waffle Crunch, I chose the Popcorn Brownie Sundae and Annie had the cutest dessert ever! It was a Sweet Shop Sundae. It came with a little bag of chocolate drops, gummy worms and popping candy! I think our eyes were bigger than our bellies though and we couldn't finish the desserts, as nice as they were.

As we were leaving I just couldn't resist going over and taking a photo of Iron Man. Everybody who knows me, knows that I am Iron Man mad. Ian pointed him out to me as soon as we got to our table!

After our meal, we headed out to the Xplore Soft Play for Annie to have a play. Ian and I sat down with a coffee and watched Annie playing and making friends.

After soft play, we headed over to the arcades for a play. We couldn't resist!

Annie was actually surprisingly good at whacking the aliens and didn't like it when Ian tried to "help" her by hitting them with his hand, he's such a cheater! We earned loads of tickets and when we'd spent all our change up, we exchanged our tickets for a little Unicorn toy for Annie, she loved her present and played with it all the way home!

We had such a lovely day out. Ian really enjoyed himself and loved his presents too. Family days out are my favourite, I really am so lucky to have such a wonderful little family!

Father's Day!

I'm actually surprised at how organised I was for Father's Day this year. Usually, for any occasion, I'm running around town at the very last minute desperately trying to find gifts. This year I had it all planned out. Most of Ian's gifts have been stashed down the side of the fridge for weeks, apart from the aftershave I bought him today- a final touch.

I'm really pleased with his gifts, I put a lot of thought into it and I really hope he likes them too. Annie's really excited to give them to him tomorrow but is adamant that it's actually his birthday- whatever makes her happy, right?!

(Please excuse my crappy photos, they're iPhone photos and my house has almost no natural light whatsoever!) 

I saw this X-Men tshirt and I just had to buy him it. It was £6 from Primark so it was an absolute steal, too! We're big X-Men fans in this house and we're hoping to go see the new film soon!

A girl I follow on Instagram actually posted about this book a couple of weeks ago and being the avid Game of Thrones fans that we are, it was such a perfect idea! You can buy this here at the bargain price of £2.99 (RRP £9.99!) or you can nip down to your local The Works and pick a copy up there.

Now, Ian moans constantly about never having pens at work. So I thought this little cheapie would do the trick (until one of his operatives pinch it, no doubt!) It was only 99p from Card Factory, as was the keyring. I just thought he could use a new key ring.

I went to The Perfume Shop to find Ian some new aftershave (yes, generic gift I know- but he really needed a new one!) and after sniffing a spraying cards for a while I finally settled on Versace Eros.

It smells so nice and it had 10% off today too, so that made it even better! As well as the aftershave, I got a FREE Versace Parfums weekend bag. Ian's old hold-all is literally falling to bits and we've just never remembered to buy a new one so at least now we don't have to! He goes away for training and meetings here and there (not to mention our trips to visit his family in Wales) so this will come in handy and is actually my favourite gift out of them all. (Useful and free, could it get any better?!)

You can get this fragrance here from The Perfume Shop. I absolutely love this aftershave so I would definitely recommend it.

And we finished Ian's Father's Day presents off with a little card from Annie. As you can see, she's drawn a lovely (very flattering ;)) portrait of Ian on the front of it. We usually make our own cards but I saw this cute little card in Card Factory for 59p so I really couldn't resist it! And the little space on the front for your child's drawing means it still has that special little touch.

Now his gifts are all in the little gift bag that Annie chose for him and are stashed safely down the side of the fridge until the morning. I really can't wait for him to open them!

I absolutely love giving gifts. I love to see the face of the recipient as they open something that you've put a lot of time and effort into choosing. I much prefer giving gifts than receiving.

I hope all you Daddy's out there have a lovely day tomorrow. I would also just like to take a moment to realise that not all family units have a Dad or Father figure, and not everybody's Dad's are with us but I do hope you all have a lovely Sunday whether you will be celebrating Father's Day, or not.

Fibromyalgia and me.

Today I got the diagnosis I've been waiting a year for. 

I can officially say- I have Fibromyalgia!

I had countless Doctor's and Hospital appointments, MRI scans, Ultrasounds and Blood tests. I went to two different physiotherapists, was given so many different types of medication that gave me all sorts of awful side effects, I'd been off work sick for 6 months (I've been off sick more than I've actually been at work) and sent away every time with the whole "we can't see or find anything wrong with you. Just take these pills and hope for the best" speech.

I was honestly at breaking point. I was beyond miserable, confused and angry at my body for betraying me like that. I very nearly gave up and blamed myself- telling myself it had to all be in my head, there was no other explanation, right?

Then one day, one very last Doctor's appointment and a desperate plea for somebody to actually listen to me and acknowledge that there was something really wrong with me, I saw a new Doctor. He'd not long started at my surgery (and he's not long out of university/medical school by the looks of him) and he listened to me. He didn't just nod along as Doctors so often do. He listened to my words, asked me questions and he genuinely seemed interested in actually helping me. It took ten minutes with him for him to suggest Fibromyalgia. He explained it all to me and sent off all the necessary referrals. He listened to my concerns and the side effects of all the medication I'd been given and he sat and found me a suitable alternative that was less likely to affect me as drastically as Tramadol, Kapake, Naproxen, Diazepam, Diclofenac and he prescribed me Gabapentin. I'm actually getting along really well with it, it's the only one that seems to help me at all (though it only gives a small bit of relief- but it's better than nothing right?) and I also take Amitriptyline partly for depression and partly to try help with the pain though they don't seem to be doing anything and I'm actually changing my prescription next week.

It took months for my Rheumatology appointment to come through but it was today. I went into the hospital this morning with a heavy heart, thinking he would just send me away like mostly everybody else has but by some sort of miracle- he told me that I do, in fact, have Fibromyalgia.

The relief of finally knowing what is actually wrong with my body was immense. It was like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders, this burden and fear of just being plain crazy melted away.

I finally have answers, I can finally talk about my pain and my condition without feeling like a faker or as if my pain doesn't really matter since I hadn't been diagnosed.

I've still got a long way to go and a lot of waiting for appointments left to do. I'm currently waiting for an MRI of my back, and MRI of my neck and spine. I'm on a waiting list for another round of Physiotherapy, I'm waiting for an Orthotics appointment to get inner soles for my flat feet and I have a follow up with my own Doctor in a few weeks.

It's been a long, long process and I can't even count the amount of times I've sat and sobbed, feeling pathetic and lazy, feeling insane, feeling like a terrible person and mother. I can now put those feelings away. I am sick- it may not be visible to others, I may not look sick but I have an illness. A chronic pain illness. I have a wide range of symptoms and they can show up at any time of day in any combination and the pain levels vary from minute to minute. I have a lot of trouble sleeping and more often than not, I'm still staring at the clock at 4am (and I have a toddler to get up with!) so I've been running on fumes mostly.

It feels so strange to be so happy at being told I have Fibromyalgia but I'm in such a good place right now, I'm feeling positive and better than I have done in weeks (despite the fact my  pain is actually worsening day by day) and I have many ideas of how to change my lifestyle to try and heal my mind, if not my body.

I'll be posting more about the ways I'm dealing with my Fibromyalgia and I'd love to hear any feedback from anybody in a similar position to me. I'm always happy to hear any help and advice too.

I just want to make sure that everybody knows not to give up. If you think that you have a problem please speak up, please ask for second, third, fourth- even fifth(!) opinions if you're not happy. Challenge the medications they prescribe you if they're not working for you and most of all- believe in yourself and your body. It may not be a quick and easy process but you can reach the finish line if you keep going, just taking everything one day at a time.